Protocol v. Etiquette v. Manners

State dinner at the White House

As with so many things of the same ilk, confusion arises when it comes to the social graces and pleasantries.  When differentiating between Protocol, Etiquette and Manners,  corporate etiquette instructor Cindy Grosso sums up her take in a simple memorable way:
Manners - WHAT you're supposed to do.
Etiquette - HOW you are supposed to do it.
Protocol - WHEN you are to di it.
And in the quick video I viewed she mentioned that these niceties are "important for business" in order to create a "distraction-free environment".
Makes good sense to me.

Yet, it didn't quite fit my understanding of the definitions and differences -- then again I deal in social, not corporate, etiquette.

Here is how the dictionary defines the terms in question:

pro·to·col   

State dinner during the Nixon administration

[proh-tuh-kawl, -kol, -kohl]
noun 
1. the customs and regulations dealing with diplomatic formality, precedence, and etiquette.

et·i·quette   
[et-i-kit, -ket]
noun 
1. conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of conduct as established in any class or community or for any occasion.

man·ners    
[man-ers]
noun
1.  a. the prevailing customs, ways of living, and habits of a people, class, period, etc.; mores: The novels of Jane Austen are concerned with the manners of her time.
b. ways of behaving with reference to polite standards; social comportment: That child has good manners.

As I quote from Emily Post ad nauseum,

"Beneath its myriad rules, the fundamental purpose of etiquette is to make the world a pleasanter place to live in, and you a more pleasant person to live with."

So while I agree wholeheartedly with Ms. Grosso regarding the 'what' of manners, to me etiquette is about the WHY. And the reason we observe manners is in order to make those around us feel at ease, welcome and valued.

Protocol is more about how to deal with those from other cultures and countries.

The final word on all three of these related concepts is respect  If you treat others with respect and do your best to observe their customs, you will find that faux-pas may not only be forgiven, but of no consequence.

Oh, and that tiny little fork on the right?  It's for shellfish {wink} 

A Pomander by any other name

This irresistible 'apple' brings kisses, not curses 
by Joie de Vivre

Whether as a closet or drawer sachet or hostess gift, the making of pomanders is relaxing and yields lasting delight.

"Throughout history, the importance of scent has never been denied. Mystical and powerful, scent was an offering, a force of attraction and a curse. The pomander, a ball filled with perfumes worn from the Middle Ages onward, was a form of protection against sickness and death. 

Origin
The word "pomander" originates from the French "pomme d'ambre." A common interpretation of this phrase is "apple of ambergris," referring to the wax substance used as a base in pomander recipes. Others take the phrase to mean "apple of amber" or "golden apple," as in the fragrant citrus fruits exchanged during holidays for good luck.

Purpose
The pomander became popular during the Middle Ages when the black death and other ailments ran rampant. Sanitation during the era was lamentably lacking. The streets and even some homes were strewn with filth, bodily fluids and the discarded remnants of past meals. People thought that the cause of their problems lay in the resulting stench lingering about the city. The belief went that the pleasant scent of a pomander could repel the disease in the air.

Recipe
Several recipes for pomanders survive from the era. To the base of ambergris, musk, civet, rose water, and other perfumes and spices were added. The mix would then be inserted into the pomander's container. A pomander could be worn around the neck or waist. Many women attached them to their girdles. 

Adornment 

Both men and women wore pomanders, most of whom hailed from the elite classes of society. Queen Elizabeth I is frequently depicted wearing one, as are other nobles and notables of the day. People took great pride in their pomanders. Simple pomanders were made of wood, while the most stunning examples were worked in silver or gold, studded with precious stones, and etched with intricate designs. Some pomanders were divided into sections, similar to an orange, into which its wearer would place several different scents.

Evolution
As time wore on, the pomander began to take on the "golden apple" interpretation. By the 18th century, a pomander was more often than not an orange studded with cloves and other spices. These made for popular gifts during Christmas and New Years. Many people make this type of pomander today in order to scent their homes and clothing." {Read more: Pomanders History | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_5378191_pomanders-history.html#ixzz1jIJWn6Gl}

The following is a how-to video on the making of silk pomanders

The bee that never stings

Socializing and sharing through textile togetherness
by Joie de Vivre

Many hands not only make light work, they also make fast friendships. Throughout the centuries, whether for raising a barn, building a road, logging, or spinning, the gathering known as the 'bee' has enabled people to get difficult or tedious work done while strengthening neighborly ties. This is especially true of the quilting bee, a joint activity that has taken on special significance for participants around the world.

"In addition to their function as bedding, quilts also served as records of family or community history, observations of surrounding landscape, and documentation of life cycle events such as births and marriages." ~Quilting Groups: Creating Through Camaraderie (Collaborations: Drawn Together)

Quilting, the sewing craft whereby layers of materials are joined together, often as a patchwork of individual squares, has a long and colorful history.  Though primarily intended as a means of warmth, these sometimes elaborate textile creations are also used as decorative wall-hangings, as memorials of loved ones who have passed, and even as media for political statements.  

An example of the well-known
Friendship Quilt

Indeed, this quiet art is far from being a relic of a time before electricity.  


A search on Meetup.com revealed a number of groups dedicated to quilting, all "within a 25 mile radius" of my home. The fellowship weaved by these groups is so tangible, one need not even be in the physical company of others to glean its benefits, as the virtual online quilting bee bears out. It then should come as no surprise that the best known type of quilt is aptly called a friendship quilt.

Whether one engages in quilting as a craft art, as a thrifty alternative to purchasing bedding, for its social aspects, or as a means of paying tribute to a dear one departed, she will find the activity to be relaxing, satisfying and life-affirming.

"Friends are threads of gold in the quilt of life....Good friends are like Quilts. They age with you, yet never lose their warmth." ~Anon