Protocol v. Etiquette v. Manners

State dinner at the White House

As with so many things of the same ilk, confusion arises when it comes to the social graces and pleasantries.  When differentiating between Protocol, Etiquette and Manners,  corporate etiquette instructor Cindy Grosso sums up her take in a simple memorable way:
Manners - WHAT you're supposed to do.
Etiquette - HOW you are supposed to do it.
Protocol - WHEN you are to di it.
And in the quick video I viewed she mentioned that these niceties are "important for business" in order to create a "distraction-free environment".
Makes good sense to me.

Yet, it didn't quite fit my understanding of the definitions and differences -- then again I deal in social, not corporate, etiquette.

Here is how the dictionary defines the terms in question:

pro·to·col   

State dinner during the Nixon administration

[proh-tuh-kawl, -kol, -kohl]
noun 
1. the customs and regulations dealing with diplomatic formality, precedence, and etiquette.

et·i·quette   
[et-i-kit, -ket]
noun 
1. conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of conduct as established in any class or community or for any occasion.

man·ners    
[man-ers]
noun
1.  a. the prevailing customs, ways of living, and habits of a people, class, period, etc.; mores: The novels of Jane Austen are concerned with the manners of her time.
b. ways of behaving with reference to polite standards; social comportment: That child has good manners.

As I quote from Emily Post ad nauseum,

"Beneath its myriad rules, the fundamental purpose of etiquette is to make the world a pleasanter place to live in, and you a more pleasant person to live with."

So while I agree wholeheartedly with Ms. Grosso regarding the 'what' of manners, to me etiquette is about the WHY. And the reason we observe manners is in order to make those around us feel at ease, welcome and valued.

Protocol is more about how to deal with those from other cultures and countries.

The final word on all three of these related concepts is respect  If you treat others with respect and do your best to observe their customs, you will find that faux-pas may not only be forgiven, but of no consequence.

Oh, and that tiny little fork on the right?  It's for shellfish {wink}